I have been engaged in several conversations these days revolving about identical topic and its tiring me out to have the thought of it lingering in my very messed up mind.
Question - if you like a person, but somehow you know nothing's gonna work out, there gonna be no future, or its difficult to have one, what do you do?
Do you just, give up? Or do you put in your all before giving up? Either way, its not easy, but whats the best resolution to give you a piece of mind after your ultimate decision and never, never ever look back and regret?
Im up for putting in every ounce of effort, even if its wrong, and try to make it work. If ultimately you fail, at least you know you've tried and there is no regrets.
I made a mistake 8 months ago, a mistake i knew right from the start but i didnt stop making the mistake because i knew i had to try. I was proven right, because there really wasnt any future, it made my life a turmoil but im growing and learning to get out of it. If you ask me now, whether i would make the same decision, i say yes - even without having a second thoughts. Yes, i'll still make the same decision i made and i've never regretted, never regretted going through all that happened. I lost ultimately, but i lost knowing that its a confirm lost, not a 'maybe'.
I used to tell my girlfriends who asked me why i am not in a relationship that i dont wanna be one until im sure he's gonna be my last boyfriend cos i dont wanna waste time in anymore relationships that will somehow end. Then they challenged me by saying "how would you know if he's gonna be the one if you never try?"
So i started trying. shit happens, but i dont wanna go in depth with that.
Some people, they dont even wanna try because they think the outcome is obvious - that nothing is gonna come out of it. These people, used to be like me. But not anymore.
Its like .. teenage pregnancy.
You are young, you have no income, no career, no nothing but a baby. You are scared, you know its not time, you know you are not ready and bringing the baby out to the world is like indirectly killing it, because you think you're bringing the baby out to suffer so its better for abortion. You think since you're young, you can always have another baby when you're older, when you're ready. But its totally not the point, the point is abortion killed a life! Yes you'll probably have another baby, but that's another baby, not the same baby!
I am so totally against abortion. Totally.
Okay, back on the tangent, you think delivering the baby is making the baby suffer. That's only what you think, isnt it? I say, deliver the baby, at least you give it a chance, at least you know you will try to put in efforts to give the baby a cosy home. It may, or may not suffer, who knows? Life might just turn out to be be perfectly well when the baby's born.
Its like a 50-50% chance. The baby suffers, or the baby dont. Aborting it is a 100% chance that the baby suffers, cos you just killed your own kid.
Your life may be changed, but so what? Everything changes. You give up something for something, make sure its all worthed it.
You give up your youth to be a responsible person, responsible mother, giving somebody a chance to live - totally worth it.
You give up your time to try to be in a relationship with the right guy - worthy.
I always put in 100% effort in something i want though i know its gonna be tough. Because only that way i cannot blame myself for not trying, or have the constant question in my mind "if i tried the other time, maybe things would be different".
I am starting to hate the word 'maybe'. Maybe, just maybe we should all start to live without having maybe(s) by trying and have an affirmed confirmation and never regret.
Just my 2cents worth.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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